jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
