So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think people are normalizing furries
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
