you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize