Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
