Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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