kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
