This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
