I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
