So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
