Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's just like the Real World with babies
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
