PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
