im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
