Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
