Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
