We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The air taste purple.
Randomize
