So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize