i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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