My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
