I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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