She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize