i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
