i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize