Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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