Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
