I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
