what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
