Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
