so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
