Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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