I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
