Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
