He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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