After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
