): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
