So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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