Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
