yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize