Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
