i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
