Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize