is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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