I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
