Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
