Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
