Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
