Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
