in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You pole danced in your parka.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
