you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
