why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
