Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
