You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
