i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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