my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
