Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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