Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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