I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
