I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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