I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
