how can u be prego again
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
