I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
