WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
