He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
