Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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