real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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