I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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