when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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