apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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