smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
