Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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