You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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