I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize