If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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