I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
