He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
