how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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