You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
