Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
