i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You ruined the universe
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