If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
