Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
