Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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