i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Someone shattered a urinal.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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