yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
