got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
