if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you didnt know i had herpes?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
