Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
