i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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