You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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