Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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