Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
