I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize