i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
