I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
