are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
