i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize