dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
