You're my little dorito
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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