He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
