Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
