I would go down on you faster than GM stock
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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