what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
