I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
