even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
