fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
