So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
