Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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