I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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