we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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