I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
