Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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