Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize